Weeks 8+9: February is rough

This week has been pretty tough. I’ve spent the past couple days feeling completely overwhelmed with everything. I can feel the shift by the two instance five had on the bus two different days where I had to yell at people and then while walking today yelling at someone on a bike. 

The top of my plate is finding an apartment. I’ve been searching for the past couple months for an apartment in Tel Aviv within my 3500-4000 shekel/month budget and I haven’t found anything that I like. I set the goal to be in my own apartment by March 1st and I’m scared and kind of grieving the fact that I most likely wont get an apartment that i really love but i’ll have to settle for a studio or an apartment in a bad neighborhood. Hey no one said aliyah was easy, but things had been going so well I almost forgot about this fact. I wish I had more time but I just don’t. On the positive there is an apartment that is back on the market that I’ll be seeing tomorrow so fingers crossed it works for me.

The other thing that makes me feel a little bit a lot sad is the my practice isn’t growing and I really miss doing therapy. I feel sad that I don’t make enough to just take a couple huge leaps and so I am in the process of looking for a second job online. 

So that’s kind of where I am at this week in my aliyah journey. I am so grateful for my friends and family back home for supporting me as well as the few friends I have here plus a couple of my coworkers who make work feel more fun and less like work for being there. Autumn too is having a little bit of a hard time with moving around and transitions but I am happy to have her here with me. 

So my hope for the next week is that I can get the apartment I really want, land a second job and start to get some clients online.

Week 7: The Worst Week so Far

Well I have had a pretty good run at things running smoothly overall since making aliyah. Over the course the past 7 weeks, despite my very limited Hebrew, I have gotten a cellphone plan, opened a bank account, gotten a Rav Kav, found a job, received my first paycheck, gone on a date, and generally have a clue about the way things work. I have not had the time to spend with friends, except for my birthday, go to Ulpan or make new friends but I know in due time this will happen. The job is going well and I’ve been finding time to work on my private practice.

So the week started off like any other…I discovered I could wake up at 4am and not 3:30 or 3:45 and get to work on time. So I’ve taken advantage of that. I’ve been using my commute to write blogs and do some marketing for my private practice in California rather than sleeping.

So its the first week of February and I’m waiting to get pid. I have 100 shekel to my name and I’m making it stretch. I go to the ATM at 4 am to get cash so I can catch the bus to work on Monday and the machine ate my card again. So Now I have a problem. The money situation is not great in the states as I wait for my last couple checks from Victim’s of Crime so I don’t want to use the card. Theres my business credit card and my business ATM card left but I don’t want to mix this but what choice do I have? So I use my business debit card and it works. I have cash for the bus. When I check my account online I saw that I got paid from work (yay). Except when I go to the office my boss is asking me about bank details and she tells me she hasn’t yet paid me (yet there is a miraculous 5,000 shekels in my account). Well it turns out it’s my government money (thanks Israel) but it’s twice what I was expecting which makes me nervous. But I get paid from them and then my boss later that day and I feel like one rich woman (10,000 shekels looks like a lot of money even though its only like $3,000).

I go to the bank on Tuesday to retrieve my card and after a whole lot of drama she tells me she mailed my card to my house. I withdraw cash and I’m on my way.

Now the best part of the week (sarcasm). I was informed the following week I’d need to vacate my current room for a couple days while one fo the daughters comes home and stay in the guest room. So the night before she arrives I learn that there was an overbooking so I would stay in my current room for the night while the daughter stays with one of the siblings until Wednesday when the guest whose staying in the guest room leaves. Well at 7 on Tuesday I’m informed that I will actually be staying in one of the boys’s rooms until Wednesday and then moving to the guest room, but she wasn’t entirely sure and she was still trying to figure it all out. Well I fall asleep at 9 (excited that I might get 7 hours of sleep for my 4am wake up call) but theres  knock at the door. Guess who gets to move to the couch because “no one wants to move rooms”. So At 9pm I am clearing out of the room and the daughter is not even home yet. Now all I hear around me is noise, Autumn is super discombobulated and wont settle down and I am wound up too. Since it’s 11pm at night and this girl is not home yet I cannot sleep because I just know I’ll hear her when she comes in and wakes me. Now I want people to comment on this to see if it makes any sense. Why would you have someone be a guest at your home only to constantly play musical rooms whenever your child comes home? Especially if said child isn’t even coming in until late, why can’t she come crash on the couch for the night? Why am I crashing on the couch and I have to get up at 4 am?

Any way I’m upset and frustrated. I’m tempted to either spend my money on a sublet until I find a place or an airbnb because this is crazy. I don’t want to move around a million times and I don’t want Autumn moving a million times either but this is fucking crazy. If I ever offer to let someone stay at my house I would never do this to them. It’s humiliating and it feels cruel. I understand you want your kids to feel at home but you don’t care that your inconveniencing me. It makes me feel unwelcome and like a burden. So To say that this is the worst week so far is spot on. I hope next week will be better.

Week 6: Dating+

A few weeks back I received a message from a fellow Olim who met a nice man that she thought i might be interested in dating. So i said yes when she asked to connect us and we spent weeks messaging. He immediately asked me out for a meeting within the first couple days but due to my commute and multiple bought with illness it was put off, until today.
Now i am not the most excited about going on dates, for a multitude of reasons. I know i want to get married and have children some day but the thought of sifting through eligible bachelors sounds awful, especially when compared to laying in bed with my dog under a cozy blanket binge watching crap on Netflix. Or if I’m thinking about my therapy practice  and focusing my attention on my clients, then I’m even more distracted. So when the time came, i got up and got dressed and went to Bet Shemesh to meet this nice man. Now self disclosure i cannot remember the last time i went on a date, but it’s been a couple years for sure. But this time,unlike in times past, i was not nervous. I also placed no expectation on the encounter, which was nice. Of course i critiqued the things I noticed about him that were different that what i thought or expected such as the photo i saw of him on fb and i thought he was more religious than what i saw. But the focus was on personality and compatibility. The other thing which surprised me was that there were no thoughts about the future. What will this person be like as a husband or a father? All in all it almost felt like a networking encountering, i just met someone and we are getting to know each other. I definitely liked the feel of this much better than previous dating experiences and i ended up having a good time. With no thoughts about the future coming into my mind i felt relaxed and free. At the same time i wasn’t attracted to this individual or particularly interested in moving things further romantically. I of course talked with loved ones who encouraged me to give him a second chance so i will. Since I’m not super enthused by him i was happy we were able to put this off for a couple weeks.
Work is going good/well/fine etc…i really don’t know what adjective to use. I’m good when i get to hang with my kids but when I’m placed in another class I don’t feel as happy or delighted to be there. One of the reasons i really enjoy my little ones is because i get to just observe their interactions and the ways in which they show off their personalities. There is not anger or malice or colicky behavior because they are all under 2 while the other lasses there is a little bit of the click mentality that’s forming. The work in and of itself is very physical but I don’t feel tired like i did as a full time agency therapist. I think because there are natural breaks in place but whatever the reasons I’m still happy.
Lastly I’m back to focusing on my private practice. As much as i enjoy my day job my love and passion will always be therapy-specifically trauma and child abuse survivors. So now I’m back to marketing and networking but this time with the caveat of doing it all online. I created some goals and so far I’ve done well in staying on top of them. Now i just need to get clients again and ill be where i want to be professionally.