Entering the 8 month of my aliyah and I just can’t believe how fast time is moving. Last August I was at an agency job that I didn’t really enjoy, (I mean who wants to work 8 hours straight 5 straight days a week) and now I’m living in Israel. I was counting down the time back then and to think now I’m here. Wow!
8 months ago I thought I would be living in Jerusalem. I envisioned a full practice by this time and a beautiful apartment in the Germany Colony or some place like that. 8 months in and I’m living in Tel Aviv working at a gan and still not where I want my practice to be, still dreaming of something more.
It’s been such a crazy 8 months and I’ve been through 2 seasons and I’m about to enter fall and the high holy days. Still no synagogue or religious community but friends who have become family and friends who are natives helping me with my Hebrew-these are the goals that were not necessarily on my list when I was thinking about where I would be at this point in time and yet they have occurred. This is something that keeps me going when times get rough.
As I continue to reflect I cannot believe I have been at my job at the gan for 8 months. I was only planning on being here until August. I had hoped that my practice would be full by this point in time and stable enough so that I would only need one job. But my boss liked me and clients haven’t found me so I am here for another 6 months. In truth I have mixed feelings about this. Anyone who knows me knows I absolutely hate being told what to do and I crave my freedom and autonomy even more. So working for someone else is not really what I want to do. Yet I’m continuing on with 2-3 year olds next year, working with a teacher who will be cool and getting to spend time with a couple kids I all ready know and love which will only teach me more about this population which I like working with. Yet I feel some fear that having this job, which is honestly suppose to be back up not primary in my responsibilities will take over and I will be stuck. Moving further and further away from my goal. The further I move away from therapy and psychology the more uncertain about myself and my skills I become. This is what worries me and keeps me up at night.
While working at this gan, I’ve made some friends-some are moms and some are coworkers, and it’s great. In a weird way they all have inspired me to continue to dream. It’s almost like when I moved I was so caught up with the newness of it all that I lost a little bit of my vision and a whole lot of my fire. I have three weeks off from work and I plan to use this time to act as if I was working full time my practice-so it wont really be a vacation. As it is I’ve been hit up for babysitting in Italy, which I sadly hd to turn down because they asked my boss about it first and she said no (another reason to be mad at my job) and then I was hit up by a parent to do some babysitting this week (I offered for only two days because I have to practice saying “no”). These are the interesting work things that are happening to me right now.
On the other hand I am apart of a wonderful consult group with therapists building their ideal practice and we have each other as support. So I’m looking to them and the coach in charge to help me get grounded. Just this past week she and I met online and she helped me focus on the online therapy part of my business which feels right for me at this time. I really do believe in online therapy and it’s no different then meeting face to face in my humble opinion. I just wish others weren’t so apprehensive about it.
Any way the next three weeks will be good for me, not focusing on the gan. I’m going to use this time to live my ideal life. To create a boundary between work and personal and make sure I attend equally to both parts. With the full time job and then the practice on the side I’ve pretty much neglected my personal life, which is terrible self care. So I’m hoping to get in a couple hikes, spend some time with friends I haven’t seen in forever who live all over this small ass country, and to just lay out and read or something.